Friday, June 22, 2007

Sir Joe Cocker




killtheinfidelbecauseyoutoldmeto
It was another lunch hour, and the week was dragging by a bit slower than usual. The usual suspects in the blogosphere were dispensed with, a picture was attempted and fell flat, I thought, maybe I should just go back to work and spend a half hour in the service of my employer without compensation.
Before such drastic measures were taken, I decided to look at slate, aka the last liberal medium in America. Lord; stop me before I go into that semantic mudpie.
But slate did come to my rescue, with a feature about the controversy du jour, the impending knighthood of Salman Rushdie.
The usual platitudes about freedom of speech, dastardly Muslims, and unreadable novels were dispensed. Very little was said about Mr. Rushdie’s personality, which apparently is not the most pleasant in the world. Back in the days of the original fatwa, there was a magazine piece about the man. One quote stuck in my memory " never mind the fatwa, there are so many other reasons to want to kill him".
And he is a friend of Christopher Hitchens.
I suppose Mr. Hitchens is waiting to comment on this. If the fatwa is carried out, he will be on the familiar turf of trashing the recently deceased. If Mr. Rushdie is still alive, then Mr. Hitchens will get into some feel good Muslim bashing. Or maybe both.
One suspects that the British government has an ulterior motive in all of this...duh. A none to subtle slap at the Muslim world is suspected...never mind that illiteracy is rampant in that world, and that many of those rioting and burning the union jack now could not read " the satanic verses" if they wanted to. They were inspired to mayhem by the clerics, who are world grade rabble rousers.
But, the details of the "queens official birthday" (I am not making that title up) shed new light on this. It seems as though on the QOB, those chosen for Knighthood are announced. This year, in addition to Salmon Rushdie, the honorees included Dame Edna, several British Jocks, "the founders of the erotic lingerie line agent provocateur", and, Joe Cocker.
Yes, that Joe Cocker.
I wonder if he will leave his hat on at the ceremony.
The Same rocker known for regularly puking onstage. (Speaking of regularity, no word on whether he did THAT onstage, although I don't doubt it)
The same Joe cocker that John Belushi channeled to perfection.
Maybe this is whom the fatwa should be against. The man with the same initials as Jimmy Carter, not Samurai dead comedian.




Whatwouldihurlifyoubarfedoutofcoke
6/22/2007 1:56 PM
So, I missed a night posting. I got home and was dog tired, and went to bed at 7pm. Summer is here, and the heat takes all the energy out of me, and I just need to get used to it for the next couple of months.
Let’s get back to the absurdity of making a Knight out of Joe Cocker. Ok, so he was good in the Woodstock movie, and he lived long enough to perform at Woodstock 1994. I still say Queen Lizzie is scraping the bottom of the barrel for Knighthood fodder.
Maybe he was one of Lady Di’s boyfriends. Or, more to the point, maybe he did NOT date the people’s princess. This is how you get to be a member of the Order of the British Empire. ( Check the linked article for some other winners of this honor)
I once lived in spent a lot of time in a bar called the Bayou Landing. Every morning at 4am, the DJ would play “You are so Beautiful” by Joe Crocker Cocker. (Note to self, quit playing with the html). After the former apprentice gas fitter growled the last note, the fluorescent lights in the ceiling were cut on. If you have ever spent the evening getting plastered under barroom lights, the sudden appearance of enough fluorescent lighting to illuminate a K mart can be very discouraging. No doubt, many promising romances were stillborn in that moment of excess luminescence.
And this all happened after the DJ played “you are so beautiful” by Joe Cocker.
And this is the man who the Queen of England wants to call Sir. What drugs is she carrying in that purse these days?
This does put the decision to honor Salmon Rushdie in a bit of perspective. Maybe one of the jilted boyfriends from the Bayou Landing should issue a fatwa against Joe Cocker.
Spell check for this feature:
fatwa- fatty, fat, fate, fats, fatso, fatter, father
salman- salmon, salami
Rushdie- residue, reside
Hitchens- hitches
Edna-end, dna, edina, eden
Belushi- Blush, bleach, bleat
LIzzie- Liz, Lisa, Lassie, Laze. Lessee, Lese, Lose, Lazy
Di's- id's, ddi's. die's. dig's,din's ,dips,dibs, digs, dims




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